My Birth Stories…
I believe that the way we are born has a tremendous impact on who we become, how we see the world, & how we develop & maintain relationships. How we welcome our babies into the world will also effect their physical health, not only as new borns but also as adults. To ensure the good health of our children we must begin with their gestation & birth. In the current dictatorship of fear that we find ourselves in, Birth & Mothering are oft the foremost subjects of witchhunt. Birth is not something to be feared, but to be embraced. A woman’s ability to surrender to the process of Birth effects her confidence to Mother her child. And her ability to surrender depends a great deal on her education of this most natural & designed of pocesses, her trust in the innate wisdom of her own body, & her support team. These are mine & my children’s birth stories.
Truly Freebirth.
A Holographic Healing Evolution to becoming the Warrior Queen.
Niamh’s birth story really began on the 26th February 1978 at 12:08pm. This is when I entered the world. Not of my own volition mind you, my 20 year old mother and I were the victims of birthrape and as a result of panic and ignorance on the part of her support people and care providers her body shut down in fear and I was surgically removed from her. Our separation lasted for 36 hours, but this lack of imperative bonding time had a tremendous impact on my life. On further reflection this birth story probably really began when my own mother was born and was adopted out. A cycle of abandonment had begun.
Fast forward 23 years and I discover that I am pregnant with my first child. The fears of others begin to surface as they worry that the same thing will happen to me that happened to my mother. From a medical perspective I was reported to have become ‘stuck’ because my mother’s pelvis was too small. Some people expressed concerns that the same thing would happen to me as I had also sustained an injury to my sacrum when I was eleven that convinced the attending doctor at the time that I would have inevitable trouble in childbirth. Little well did people know me and I became more determined to have my baby in the safety of my own home. By serendipity or perhaps it was designed, I first became aware of a wonderful midwife called Myra Parsons at a Mind, Body, Spirit festival in the November of 2001. As a recent Homeopathic Student graduate I had made the decision to specialise in women’s health and the childbearing year and went about to do some all-important networking. Two weeks later I discovered that I was pregnant. I called Myra and at 16 weeks Shaun & I met her for the first time…
Ariel Jakob -15/08/02
‘The Lion of God greets the dawn’
Our neighbours must have thought there was a lost cow roaming the lonely midnight streets of Hornsby. A lost cow bellowing for her calf. That’s what I sounded like anyway. With each wave I would stop in my tracks, my yoga, my conversation, & squat to release the primal beast-like sound that I’m sure came all the way from Eve herself.
At the right time, sometime after midnight, I languished in the bath. This is where I will live forever, here in this warm water, I thought to myself. A nice hormone-induced trip to the psychedelic world of Labourland. After a while I felt the Urge. The bath could no longer accommodate the lucid expansion. I moved to the toilet and my waters break.
Onto the bean bag, I bellow some more as Shaun keeps up the rhythm, massaging my back. Suddenly, the Almighty power comes – crowning, & then, all of a sudden he falls from me. Somersaults.
“A baby!” I exclaim, still lucid, as if it’s the first one in the world. The kookaburras laugh. Welcomed by his family, Ariel greets the dawn.
From start to finish, my whole labour was 24 hours, established labour-5.5 hours. During that time both mine and Shaun’s immediate family trickled in and out at various times to offer their support. Myra came at about 7pm to see how I was going, left and came back just after midnight. Her back-up Jane arrived some time thereafter. Myra and I lost touch for awhile as I became reclusive and suffered post-natal depression. The birth had gone so well but the lack of emotional support and my social reservations at the time meant that I became reclusive in this new scary world of Motherhood. Myra, however, wasn’t too far away and our paths crossed once again at the birth of a friend’s first child that I was supporting at. During Ariel’s birth I discovered a primal passion hidden deep inside. The passion to help women at this time in their lives, discover healing through birth. For me, Ariel’s birth was very healing. My mother was there to witness a safe, happy empowering and natural; homebirth and a first birth at that, and a small part of me had been healed to know that I was capable of birthing a child the way God had intended. So during the next 4 years I forced myself out of my hole and began to embark on the journey of the Birthkeeper, doing my doula and childbirth educator training and supporting many women along the way, many working alongside Myra.
Skip forward 4 years… I find out I am pregnant again, very happy and excited but needing to let go of other people’s birth stories as I prepare for this one.
Joshua James 08/08/06
Birth of the Amazon Woman
4.15am – Mon 7th Aug. 2006, my waters break. Very excited, the babe is on its way! I get up with contractions, surges of energy, coming every 9 minutes or so. Breathing deeply I go to my special place. This is the start of a process. The most perfect process.
Throughout the day things still plod along. Mum arrives & starts helping out around the place. Then the drama unfolds. The hot water system breaks down (not good when you are having a waterbirth! Mum starts filling pots of water and heating them on the stove to fill the birth pool with.
The rushes stop and start in response to the drama of the day. It’s late now, I’m going to bed. Maybe tomorrow we will have a baby…
2:25am Tues 8th Aug 2006- I awake to a very strong rush. Every 5 minutes now. I breathe and go to my special place. I call Myra and she comes over to watch as I labour in front of the fire. She advises me to get more rest as she only thinks this is early first stage. Shaun doesn’t think so and I think there’s no way the rushes can get stronger than this. She leaves…
I need to go to the toilet – very strong rushes now. I tear my clothes off. “Myra’s wrong” I gasp to Shaun, “I need to get into the pool now!”
He helps me in and then goes to call Myra, he comes back then leaves again as Ariel wakes up. Shaun tries calling Myra again as Mum reads to Ariel. I labour in the pool, alone now. I need to push, and cry out to God for help. I reach down and feel a bulge in my perineum.
“Come on baby, we need to do this together”
“It’s a head!” I yell as he emerges from my body. I guide his head and then his body. Gently under water, I lift him up to my breast now.
Peaceful gentle child, delivered by his mama. Another beautiful boy. Joshua James.
Shaun, Ariel, and mum all come in then to witness this beautiful entrance. 5:39am.
I then birth his placenta 5 hours later.
Joshua was then Lotus born just after midnight 5 days after his waterbirth.
I call this birth my first freebirth because even though it was unplanned I really did it myself, and although some people would be in shock that the midwife wasn’t there, it didn’t actually bother me. Perhaps because I was so familiar with birth, or perhaps because of my unwavering Faith. Even though Ariel’s birth was amazing and empowering I still somehow was left with the feeling that I was still a little girl. This birth left me feeling that now I am a woman. By doing it alone I was able to get in touch with my own sacred feminine and my own innate birthing power. This birth did however, teach me a very important lesson and that is that as a birth worker/birth support one needs to be very careful what you say to a woman, it can plant a seed of doubt. I have learnt that the best support is to just shut up, forget how things should be going and follow the woman’s lead. Only she can tell what is truly happening in her body/mind/soul.) The gift that Myra gave me with this birth was her confidence in me that I knew what I was doing.
Joshua’s birth was particularly healing as well for the above reasons…but still something was unfulfilled. So with these two births under my belt it was inevitable that if I fell pregnant again I would actually plan a freebirth.
Around the end of 2007 I began to consciously desire another baby but as horrible as it may be construed to sound I needed the baby to be a girl. I prayed continuously for this miracle and in June/July 2008 we conceived in consciousness. I decided to completely surrender to the process of this pregnancy and forewent the usual pre-natal care, checking my own blood pressure when I felt the need to, measuring my own uterus until it was obvious from movement and growth that babe was doing fine. I asked Myra to listen to the heartbeat about 3 times throughout the whole pregnancy and palpate whether babe had engaged and was head-down about a week before my due date. All was well.
The pregnancy itself had been very different to the boys. We did a lot of travelling, Shaun and I went through a very rocky period, and as a family we experienced our fair share of flu, stomach bugs, measles, and chicken pox. I found it difficult to relax throughout this pregnancy because even though my highest desire was for the babe to be healthy there was also the uncertainty it just might be another boy. How would I cope?
My ‘official’ due date covered the 17th/18th/19th March (depending on which pregnancy calculator I used). Mum arrived the Sunday before. In hindsight this may not have been a good idea although at the time I thought I would birth either on or around these dates as both the boys had been pretty spot on. Well, the due dates came and went, and the first week of being ‘overdue’ went by. I began to absorb the impatience of others as the text messages etc started to come flooding in, every day….’is anything happening yet?’. I became housebound, choosing not to go anywhere just in case. I was getting very strong Braxton-hicks borderline early labour waves consistently every day. In short, I was starting to go crazy as I felt that if I just pushed the babe would fall out.
As the pressure and the guilt all began to get too much I sank to my knees and prayed the prayer of thousands. During the prayer however, something changed and I began to express my most heartfelt gratitude for the blessing of this pregnancy, the privilege of the birth I was about to give, the joy of having my babe all to myself. A deep sense of peace came over me and I knew that all would be well no matter what.
At 4:20am on the 28th March, ten days after my due date, my waters broke. How exciting. It begins. I had prepared myself for another 24 hour labour so I went back to bed to get some sleep. Sleep became difficult as the waves began to roll in. I listened to some music on my iPod as I drifted in and out of a semi-sleep. At some point around 7 I got up and made myself a cup of nettle and rose petal tea. Mum was awake so I let her know. Needless to say she was very happy.
The waves continued throughout the day gradually gaining in intensity. I am enjoying the feeling that my babe will be coming soon. I snack on watermelon and frozen blueberries, drink often, I make a few dolls for the boys and then suddenly around lunchtime an overwhelming wave of fatigue comes over me. I decide to go and lie down for a while; Shaun takes the boys for a walk. He is gone for about an hour or so and while I manage to rest and fall back into a doze the waves are gradually intensifying. Shaun returns and somewhere around 2 or 3 the waves become really intense, there is much burning pain in my sacrum. I become fearful, of what I’m not sure. In hindsight I am standing at the edge of that familiar abyss that marks Transition. I begin to cry. Shaun asks me why I’m crying ‘I don’t know’ I reply. He reassures me that everything is fine and I’m doing well. He says that this is about the time Myra came last time. I think to myself ‘I don’t remember it getting stronger than this’. But it does. I decide to get into the pool. Instant relief. The waves slow down. I begin to regain focus. A sense of calm. Suddenly they intensify incredibly. I lose my focus as stories of my birth, ariels birth, and Joshua’s birth swirl around my head. My inner doula steps in intermingling with the swirling stories, ‘you can do this, I can do this, you are doing this’. At some point Joshua hops in the pool. This doesn’t bother me. I’m too in between worlds to care. Intense waves, burning in my sacrum. I wonder if babe is posterior…how much longer can i do this for? I can’t do this much longer I don’t remember it getting any worse than this. I grab onto Shaun who stares into my eyes, willing me with his own inner strength to keep going. I cry out, ‘I just need the head!’ I reach down and feel the familiar bulge in my perineum. I need to push. A big push the head is out, I reach down, and she is facing the right way. Restitution. Another big push, ‘she’s coming out the back I say. I’m on my hands and knees. As her body emerges, mum gently reaches into the water and pushes her back through my legs. 6:56pm. I scoop her up to my breast. She looks at me, wide eyed but content. I look up and Ariel is about to get into the pool. I tell the boys I love them, and all is well. We all erupt in a flood of joyous emotion as I discover that babe is our long awaited girl. She looks around at the familiar voices, content, happy, peaceful. Such a contrast to the inner turmoil dizzying my senses moments before. She seems to instantly know who the boys are. We name her Niamh Eliza and she latches on perfectly for her first suckle 15 minutes after her birth. I birth the placenta 25 minutes later as Myra arrives. I had decided that I would like Myra to come after the placenta had arrived to share in our joy and offer post-natal care if needed. She was such an integral part of this whole journey.
So Niamh is born, and I am reborn surrounded by my family holding a space of love for this lotus to blossom. We snuggle up in our big family bed, and the karmic record is set right.
Lotus born, she lets go of her travelling companion on the 2nd April around lunchtime.
They say that every woman either relives her own birth in some form during the birth of her own children or in the lead up to it if the limbic imprint hasn’t been consciously cleared. It is interesting that there are so many similarities between my birth and Niamh’s birth. We were both ‘overdue’, we both experienced the same sort of labour, our pregnancy cravings and aversions were the same. There are so many elements to Niamh’s birth that make it magical. When I look back on my birthing ‘career’ I see the hand of the Divine guiding a deeply healing process. Even down to her birth on the Sabbath as if to say ‘My covenant with you is sealed’. (I have reflected this in Niamh’s middle name -Eliza) Although I had intended to have an orgasmic blissful birth with Niamh (and in the beginning it was enjoyable), her birth was by far, my toughest challenge – mentally. Each birth before hers was a step, a gaining of confidence and strength to face my ultimate fear. I believe that Myra was guided into my life to act as the catalyst for this process. She transcends the conventional view of a midwife to being a true Birthkeeper. My birthkeeper. She does not presume to be the expert, taking power away from the woman, nor does she seek to empower the woman (for no human can give another human power), she is simply ‘with woman’ and in doing so reflects her confidence in the woman’s innate abilities. In my innate abilities.
Of course, without my Faith I doubt that I would have been open to allowing this work to occur in such a perfect way.
So now the healing journey is fulfilled as we embark on another journey of continuum concept parenting. The record has been set straight and my children can take this into the world beyond.
I would like to acknowledge the loving, unwavering support of some very special people who shared every step of this journey with me; My Mum, my ever-in tune soul mate Shaun, Myra, and my boys as they came along, and my personal Yeshua who by Grace made this all possible.I love you all very much. Thank you.